The “BIG BIG ISSUE!!” Revealed…From Sincere…
I’ve been trying to convey what has been bothering me for a while, rather it was to my own girlfriend or my own godparents. As always my godparents always help me see what the issue is within myself, or at times my own relationships. That is without biased opinion, depending on the situation at hand my god parents always play both sides to balance out both sides of my problem to cover all bases…Most times they come correct, even when we are having our “parent-child problems”.
Then other times, I pretty much find some reading to do. To try and solve the issue myself, granted I really make it a priority to keep the “outside influences” to a minimum. Even when I may feel I should contact my bestfriend, or my homie B-Inglish (you’ll eventually see more blogs of him aforementioned to come…). For I may not practice what I preach at all times, but no one sees when I do…Or even when they do see it I just simply do not care for any recognition in the first place.
The point of me finally breaking my silence through my blog, is due to the reason I just simply refuse to not speak about something. Especially when I rely heavily on COMMUNICATION, for I really believe that is the key to a successful relationship. No matter what the dynamics or anything else are, COMMUNICATION will get us both to the promise land…in hopes of that promise land is the altar.
On to the main point, there is a reader in particular I am aiming to reach in particular. That reader would be my loving girlfriend, Why? she must be thinking, simple.. because she claimed we have been “going through it” for about 3 months now. When in my own eyes that is far from how long we’ve been going back and forth, when it has only been about a month now…If not a little under or maybe longer give or take. Now where I’m going with this stemmed from an article I read, that was shared with me through my godmother. Her and myself are always talking about any and everything, which is why I love my godparents. When they are not on that bullsh*t…Moving along.
To read the article I will be speaking on can be found in this link HERE…
It is very few things that bother me in our relationship, I just want to clear the air about that in general. It was brought up about the things she may or may not do that I do not favor. I refused to answer because I’d prefer to keep the bullsh*t down sometimes, but this should be a little insight as to what has been really affecting me. Besides the things that has transpired over the last 3 weeks within my supposed “family”, was a few things that ultimately made me feel as if my version of Rome (or Paradise) has burned down in less that 1 day.
The article that was read, spoke on 7 ways to nurture your relation ship again which can be read in the link above or if your lazy like I am the link is HERE.
I will also speak on why I feel as if our relationship lacks or excels in each of those 7 ways to nurture ones relationship:
“1. Have sex – Nothing like cutting to the chase, huh? I know, you’re completely spent by the end of the day. Twenty seconds lying in the horizontal position and you’re already sawing logs. I get it, but consider this; sexual intercourse helps maintain feelings of intimacy and happiness that stand the test of time.” <~> My take on this as far our relationship goes is something that shall not be spoken about through this blog, but me and my love have spoke on the terms in regard to this. Though I do stand by way 1, but again tha is just that…
“2. Spend time together – Remember early on when you were both dying to spend every waking moment together? Now you’re lucky if you can squeeze in a meal together. While no one is asking you to ditch the kids and work in favor of each other, make togetherness a priority. It doesn’t even matter how you spend your time, just so long as you’re together.”<~> Now I will say I honestly believe I make a valiant effort to see my love(s) every chance I get, I may not make it to church every Sunday or over to her parents house to kick it with everyone as a whole. Though I can say I was very consistent in the opening act of our relationship. Now money is kinda funny, I still make it a priority to see them even it is my last in my pocket.
“3. Think happy thoughts about your partner – According to Psychology Today, folks in lasting relationships engage in “sentiment override”, meaning they remember more positive than negative experiences about their partner. Choosing to focus on your partner’s annoyances hinder feelings of gratitude and positivity toward your partner.”<~> I cannot speak for her, I can on ly speak for myself. Even in our time of issues, I still wake up every day thinking of her face, her smile. Along with other thoughts, I’ll refrain from mentioning at this given time. Though I will go on to say no matter what goes on between us, I have tried to make her my everything as she asked. It may seem no effort on my end in her eyes, but I wouldnt know given she has told me much of anything in regard to this…
“4. Show some love – Never underestimate the power of affection in your relationship. Comforting hugs, tender kisses, and even listening touches speak volumes to your partner without saying a word.”<~>
Simple right? Nah, not as it is perceived to be. I wish I still had these comforting hugs, and even tender kisses…I’ve tried so as far as cuddling or even going as far as to fall asleep on her with my arm around her as she is busy on her computer, It has worked then again has not. But this is one of the main reasons I’ve personally been shutting down, I mean as far as hearing her tell me “I told you so..” countless times in what has happened within my life over the course of 3 weeks, I simply would rather hear those words as I’m hugged or told its going to be ok…or something. I hope that is not asking for much, I also had fun cooking chimichanga’s with her, but I really wanted the physical side of being full afterward. Which is what initially furthered my shutdown process.
“5. Be happy – People who have positive feelings toward life actually have stronger feelings of love toward their partner! Just as negative feelings about life can affect your relationship negatively, positive feelings can affect your relationship positively. Engage in activities that bring you personal joy, and reap the benefit of personal passion with your partner.”<~> Now I know my pessimism usually can be the start of a roaring flame that’ll destroy everything in its path. Just most times I cannot help it, call something I have not matured on. Or possibly grown out of, it is what it has to be. I just would love to be happy when I’m around my woman, so it takes me away from the reality of the harsh world we all live in…That is what your significant other is suppose to aid with right?
“6. Get flirty – Show your partner they’ve still got it with a little innocent flirting. A naughty squeeze, playful text, or extra long kiss is just what every relationship needs to keep those embers burning.”<~> Now this one I honestly overstep, because of said issue earlier in this blog, So I will not even go as far as to elaborate anything on this note.
“7. Miss your partner – Sure, he’s only at work, but that doesn’t mean he’s far from your thoughts. Up the aww factor and let him know he was missed.”As mentioned in earlier in the blog, I miss my woman more than she could possibly think. I tried to convey this as much as I come around but I see I’m going to need more than my mere presence as a present…See what I did there? You see it…
I hope you got some idea as to why I’ve written this, or you could use this as a checklist when engaging in conversation whenever. I decided to write about this inplace of going off the random rant struggling for a point to been seen in a mess of angry words…So just know I do love you regardless of what you may think….L.W.D 4-22-12….
Either good sex or no sex!l
There are many reasons why people take an oath of celibacy and I for one have taken the vow numerous times until now. This time I’m foreal and don’t give me the side eye! Since 2008 ive been doing abstinence all wrong whether it was giving up sex for lent to be back at it months later, only giving oral sex or only having sex with one guy while talking to many to even sexing that one guy on super rare occasions (like a 6 month drought that needed quenching because I feared I will forget what a dick look like. lol) for all those reasons maybe more I was convincing myself that I was legit with my vow.
So what has changed and whats my reason for pledging celibacy now?
While it’s an accumulation of many things the main reason is this: The reason im good with no sex is because I want great sex! EITHER ITS GREAT SEX FOR ME OR ITS NO SEX FOR ME! I’ve been playing this abstain game long enough to withstand the fire until I can get the great sex that I deserve. AND JUST HOW DO I KNOW ITS GREAT without sampling?
Simple.
I will know when the guy feelings for me mirrors exactly the love I have for him. When actions speak louder than words. When hand holding becomes damn near erotic and I’m feening for a kiss on the lips because the forehead kiss made me wet my panties like a granny or a baby. You choose the most visual one lmao!
I have a past – shoot we all do but anyway my sexual past havent been the most pleasing, at least to me. I can count on a hand the most memorable times and that’s a damn shame. I’m being honest here so believe me when I say ive been fucked good but never fucked right or loved perfectly. I don’t need music or dancing during sex but I crave passion and creativity. There is not one man on this earth that can claim I gave him the best/all of me and why? BECAUSE HE DIDNT WOULDNT COULDNT DO THE SAME FOR ME! only the man I marry will know the full extent of my escapades and talents. I’m sorry fellas if you felt you were doing ME right but you can’t possibly do ME right if you doing others as well, ESPECIALLY if you doing the others the same way you did me grrrr. You gotta do better!
Until then I am completely happy and satisfied writing erotica and keeping the cootchie closed. When I don’t have to ask for head because getting it is automatic just like giving you head is…When you quit being selfish and keep going so I can nut too…when you stop being so domineering and boring and let me ride or use hand cuffs and food…. when you take the time to kiss and massage and explore my body and its wonders….. when you quit bitching and realize foreplay and roleplay is necessary… when you know dirty talk during and after sex is not necessary BECAUSE “baby whats my name” and “who’s pussy is it” just gotta stop! Please!!!!!….when whats after sex is just as important during…..hold me or at least stay in bed and lets talk honestly and open about the likes and dislikes of this thang we got going on….when i don’t have to fear a dirty dick from someone elses dirty pussy or ass (the way y’all dirty asses lmao get down nowadays)….when adventure and trying new things excites us….when the ring is on the left finger and the sex has the potential to be so damn good I forget im at church that I’m giving a testimony about the wrong thang, THEN AND ONLY THEN will I break my vow. Again I say it’s either GREAT SEX OR NO SEX. and don’t give me that side eye look either!
Dont Hold Your Applause For Me.
It’s been a while since I’ve been seen on this blog right? I been silent, wasn’t really anything to write about. Life has been at a standstill for me, I haven’t really spoke. To chocobunny, nor have I spoken to Goldie that much, it’s our 2nd year in this blog as a group.
I wish us all the best and I’ll be back later this week with a more elaborative post…
My challenge
I’ve decided to do a 14 days of love tweet fest/ facebook post fest thingy. It’s not about the likes or retweets but it’s to definitely say hey listen im single as a dollar bill but I know how to love. To be able to sit back and share with you guys what I have learned in this short life. So I hope you all enjoy.
Am I too old for this?
Dear TheSingleTrio.
I’ve been invited to a party Yayyyyy! And we all know how good it feels to be invited, this time I’m not so sure. The question is should I go or not? It is a party for a girl who is coming of age, she’s turning 18 and I understand that it is a big step. I am flattered that she requested my presence there but I’m knocking on 25 do I really want to go to an 18 year old party. Because it’s at Lucky Strikes Novi, my answer is Yes but because this 18 year old wants me to find a club for her to go to my answer is No! What club can a 24 year take a newly 18year old too and not feel like a chaperone. I dont even club or party like that unless I’m with fam. And I’m not buying drinks for these kids. I have never seen her with anykids her age. My little sister is 11 and they act like the best of friends. Because of who she is I love her and can mentor her but to be 18 nad have no idea/ clue as to how the world works or the proper attitude or even basic job training/ looking skills what am I to do. Then it’s the fact that I tried to be nice and say Amber Riley from Glee but my mama and granny both seem to think and I quote, “The perfect spongebob square pants”. There isn’t anyway I can make this young woman in age look like, act, think like a young woman without being a millionaire. Idk. I got love for her the girl like I said but not enough to go to her party and be the only grown up with a 18 y/o and the rest 16, 13 and 11 year olds. What should I do?
Am I a golddigger?
Whats the best way to leave a fuck buddy?
Dear TheSingleTrio,
I want to know how to you break it off with a fuckbuddy/FWBs or just anyone that you dont want to talk to or be in your life anymore? Or what is the best way to go about the seperation? I’ve tried not saying anything and never returning calls but that hasn’t been working. I’ve even tried to text or call and say it’s over but they dont seem to believe me or get the picture. Basically the last two days I had to invite two guys over to tell them that Im not interested in anything but friendship with them anymore and that if they can respect my wishes then they shouldn’t no longer contact me. I hate hearing grown men beg but if silence and a text didnt work then what do you do?
Top 5: Leaving the last of is pointless
You know how they say never take anybody last? (unless you’re in church because giving your last in encourage there) Yet you get as close to the last without completely depleting it. You know what that is called? It is called trifling!!!!! You might as well gotten the last of it because leaving barely enough is simply not enough.
Here are my TOP 5 THINGS that leaving the last of is completely pointless:
1.Toilet tissue – Do you check to see if toilet paper is there before you have a seat? Yea me too but I’ve been fooled before. There’s nothing worst than getting ready for the piss of your life and when you go to grab the toilet tissue there is only 3 squares left! That is barely an ass wipe! You knew the tissue was getting low but you just didn’t want to be the one to change the roll? Triflin
2.Mouthwash – I love mouthwash. That’s just my routine, floss, wash/gargle then brush. Now I understand there is 4 people sharing one big 16 fl oz of Listerine but it is very frustrating to floss and get ready to wash and there is only half a teaspoon of mouth wash left. Not even a mouthful. Triflin’! What am I supposed to do with that spit gargle on two teeth?
3. The last drop of drink, orange juice, water whatever – You thirsty, just had a banging ass workout and know Arbor Spring water was just brought. You get to the kitchen get your ice in the glass and get the water and well you can’t even be a pessimist much less an optimist because the glass aint even half empty it is 75% full of air and glass 20% of ice and 5% of water. Bitch you shoulda just drunk the water and threw the bottle out. Triflin’ while I’m parched and shit.
4. Chips, candy, popcorn, cookies – I thought you didn’t like junk food? So why come ( improper english there i know but anyway) why come I come down stairs there is only 2 oreos in the bag and it’s only you and me here? Gone head and lick them crumbs because out of generosity in trying to save some you happened to only leave the broken cookies. Triflin!
5. Gas – Oohh wee this one makes me so upset when I put 35 in the tank and all of a sudden people just HAVE to go everywhere. It’s 12pm you gotta be at work at 4:00 pm they say I gotta go to a Dr.’s appoinment at 1:00 and I’ll be right back. It is 3:30 and the person is STILL not back. At 3:55 they pull up and got you grandma in the car, some movie popcorn, dollar tree bags and walmart bags in the back! And they want you to take you’re granny home and help bring the bags in the house. Naw fuck that. you gonna get them bags when I come back at midnight. But here you go, so you get in the car about to back out nd they stick their head out of the door like, “You might need to go and get more gas!!! TRIFLIN AS HELL!
Woosah! Ok I’m good, anything else you can think of?~
Happy MLK Day
Every January I get onto social media sites and see the same ol statuses, tweets, wall posts, etc about Dr. King. The first is usually happy birthday Dr.King and I think to myself has anyone ever noticed that the day the holiday falls on is usually not his birthday, except for maybe once every 7 years? Yes, I get upset cause reading really is fundamental guys. The second is usually one of his infamous quotes. There isn’t anything wrong with quoting a great and honorable man but we as black people (yeah us black folks) only take the holiday to say something about him and his legacy. The civil rights movement lasted years (still going on until God destroys this great earth) and claimed so many lives for our people to have the civil liberties that we today. What am I saying? Im saying, it shouldn’t take a federally observed holiday for us to want to say thank you or give that man honor. The same with Malcolm X, Mohandas Gandhi, The Black Panthers, Angela Davis, Rosa Parks, Josephine Baker, Marcus Garvey, Cesar Chavez, The Little Rock Nine, Mr. and Mrs. Loving and other infamous named and unnamed barrier breakers. You can’t name one without the other because in some way, shape or form they have all inspired each other to press toward the mark. Don’t just dwell on from whence we came for one day out the year and then go back to acting like we were born with these rights. Always remember because one day things could drastically change and then where will you big mighty horse be at then?
Went away for while, let my wisdom increase. Hope your patient as me…
What have I missed world? I assume it was nothing much, did you all miss me? If not, I missed you all. I have been battling with a lot of the bouts that come along with being an adult as of lately. My last post over on my personal blog was November 19th 2011, where I didn’t really cover anything substantial. I was just scratching at the edge of the cliff before I lost what remaining grip I had at the time. Besides I’ve honestly been back to my usual doubts of my writing, like I was re-evaluating everything about my writing and my team here at Thesingletrio. For I have not seen or really spoken to Chocobunny, since our dinner at the chink buffet (Thanks again love. We’ll have to do it again soon!) Have not spoke to Lauren as consistent as I’d like to. I was thinking she was slacking on the posts, then I remembered not only does she blog here also at her own personal blog. Not too mention her “Thee High Life” blog also, so again like I said on twitter I’ll never forsake thee or the house we’ve built this year with our blog becoming a year old.
Anywhom, to bigger and better things you’ve come for. What has my year of 2011 been like? Let’s see.. January wasn’t really memorable. I had a few topsy moments with my mother, which really could’ve pushed me into a depression. I battled through it, and came February I went back to Southfield with my fam. I showed up for my sister Fe’s Birthday (Fe, Whattup!? She’s sitting next to me as I construct this post. Catch Her & myself over at her youtube channel HERE) which was pretty od. Went out to lucky’s Southfield for a night of drinks and so on, Then I ended up going to MSU that following week to mess with the woman I was being intimate with at the time. Now which was pretty cool, sexually…I mean yes I am man enough to admit, I was leading her on just because of the sex. Wrong? Yes. Why yes it very much so was, but that’s life and how it goes. Though I will, I really did like her as a friend. I told her things I rarely ever share with women about myself and the things that go on in my head, Like how much I despised a certain duo of ex’s. Hears distant sighs & feet shuffles Yea!! Its about that time people, I mean the visit itself to MSU was very enlightening given I had not been up there to visit since a former bestfriend of mines went there. Notice I said FORMER, a particular ex ran her up out of my life too. Which she did with a lot of people, I can admit to that much. I say that to say this: The woman I was how can I say…. pumping at the time, got her walking papers due to her insecurity issues. Always worried about the next woman, who was before and probably after her. March came and we were over before my birthday even hit, Why? Because this particular ex who knew how to play to my strengths and weaknesses popped back up into my life again, I’m not going to sit here and say she didn’t pop up on her own. In which It was provoked, all over a effin’ twit pic. Though I have blogs on my personal site documenting please free to visit it at any given moment to review what was posted, Hell the comments on those blogs are still there.
Back to March though, my 24th birthday was not my 23rd. Lol my 23rd is stuff of legend that is solidified in gold, but I had made a monumental step as far as changing my appearance. I kept my word of letting my sister loc my hair for me, in which case I was kind of against it to be deadass about it. 9 months later, I’m in love with them and really do enjoy being on this loc journey. Back to the story though, So after the end of me and the woman from MSU. My ex wiggled back into my life, given she has a way with words that rivals mine. I caved in and let her back in, mind you a few people were really up in arms scrunching their faces at me. Knowing how far I came trying to separate myself from her, I tossed it all right back out the window. All it took was one conversation, which took a spark into a forest fire. I began hanging around her as if we were the best of friends; along with being suckered…more so suckering myself that everything would be peachy keen. I will admit I did take a lot of lessons learned from dealing with her this final time. I showed my sis Fe the defining relationship that I ran from, I’d speak more on that but that’d be violating my “Big Brother Little sister terms of endearment”. I’m not one for breaking confidentiality terms or contracts, so moving on right through April. This particular ex and I were back rolling in the hay, only because I missed it. Also I honestly wanted her one last time to prove something to her physically to her, which I believe I accomplished it. Though it was not worth the headache of being fed the BS I took again like last time just to be left out in the cold, Just like another one of my ex’s after her wanted me back. Given I had feelings for her also, I couldn’t. Not too mention my bestfriend “Booty Diva” told me plenty of times over not to go back down that road, I’ll admit when I am not speaking to my siblings or my bestfriend I confide in. I tend make mistakes, which I know are not good for me mentally or physically. Though I do talk myself into certain situations blindly given I am genuinely friendly/Flirty by nature.
Not too mention I ended up having sex with a close female associate of mines, in April also…Man looking back on the 1st half of this year. A lot of my issues came because I couldn’t keep my dick in my pants, Welp! I’m not sorry for it in the least bit, just came to the recent realization that I was full of lust. This particular female associate I still speak with every full moon, she still in the riff of a relationship she wants. I’m ok with that, what I am not ok with is the fact she wants us to thronx (F*ck) again. I try to keep my distance from, for I already know what is going to come of that again. May pretty much was a chill month despite the clashing me and my ex continued to do as if we didn’t miss a step, I’ll admit this to a few of my readers now that I am of sound mind to admittance. I still loved her; I could not help it I was still in search of something new. Just not with her, just wanted to make sure that chapter of my love life was over and done with. June/July entered the youngest woman I’ve ever dealt with; She was a Capricorn when I say young. I mean young as in 19yrs of age, mind you I’m 24. I’m very anal about dealing with women 2yrs or younger than I so for me to have been dealing with her said something about my character. I just was not ready to come to terms with, in which case she too was a victim of passionate lust. I have this thing about myself that once I have a sight on you, and your making your interest known. While not trying to get to know me, I tend to just go with the flow until sex is solicited. Breaking her off thoroughly, which I am man enough to admit I fed her a lot of my actual backstory. She just wanted dick, at the expense of acting like she thoroughly wanted to know me. It happened to be one of the most annoying trends of my life in 2011. August-October didn’t really get any better beside that younger woman got her exit papers, while another one entered. Had a very hood-rat like name though, we attended the same HS yet we didn’t know one another. Which made it all the more alluring, and again… I ended up poppin’ the first night we met in person. At this boardwalk not too far from where I live, it was fun. Great time spent, like most women I generally be under the impression women who shows interest really wants to make me theirs. In hopes of building something unconditional, along with giving me honest feedback as to why or what was it about me that caught their eye.
We were promising sex was great, I had introduced her to my sister’s “friend” to prove how much of a gentleman I was. Prove I am not what I am made out to be, lol sadly enough it worked. Though it is a trait I do utilize to have what I want when it comes to women physically, it has failed me. Though where it has failed, it seemingly drawn women back to me, which I am still attempting at understanding what it is about me that women like. Maybe it is my facial expressions, or just how I carry myself. Hell if I know, I have a idea. Just do not know what it is that is the game sealing dagger, nah mean? Though she left a bitter taste in my mouth, to get back to the story of my August-October lust.
She seemingly made me want her, then again most women I end up not being more than sexual encounters with leave me wanting the more and more. I assume it’s a zodiac trait, that as a Pisces that I long for something long term. Then again, I have my own moments where when I’m in “like” or “lust” that I do not want to become comfortable. Maybe because I tend to be afraid of what could be, then again what man isn’t? Judge me if you like bro, you see what I did there though.
In closing, I just wanted to share some of my thoughts. With intentions of showing why I’ve been quiet, I’ve written more than enough given it took me way longer to complete this when I had much more to tell. I’ll be back around more often in 2012 though to be me…Love you all. Peace..
chocolate addiction
TheHipster
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